Monaco, the jewel in the crown. If that crown is a night cap, at least. Because this race was even more boring than Monaco usually is. A red flag on lap one led to the drivers changing their tyres under caution, eliminating the need to pit in the race. This turned a race in which the only excitement comes during the pit stop phase into a race in which there was absolutely no excitement at all. Whilst qualifying was amazing, like it always is in Monaco, the only things of note to happen during this race were during lap one, after that point it became a game of follow-the-leader. Thus, the only point of discussion are the incidents during the first lap, so be prepared to read three paragraphs discussing sixty seconds of the race.

The first incident to occur on lap one was a collision between Carlos Sainz and Oscar Piastri. Sainz went for an audacious lunge at the first corner, attempting to turn a Ferrari 1-3 into a Ferrari 1-2. I admire the effort, unfortunately for Carlos this gave him a puncture, turning the race into a Ferrari 1-20. No driver deserved to be penalized for the incident, even if it was bold from Carlos to try the move. Either way, the red flag coming out before all drivers crossed the first timing line saved Carlos’ afternoon, as it ensured he could restart back in his grid spot. Piastri’s car was damaged from the incident, but this did not matter, as it is nearly impossible to overtake at Monaco.

The second incident to occur featured F1’s resident chaos merchant of Kevin Magnussen. Kevin did exactly the same move that took Logan Sargeant out of the race at Miami, putting his nose into a closing gap and causing a collision. Not only did this move take out Sergio Perez, Kevin’s latest victim, but also Kevin’s teammate Nico Hulkenberg. After this incident, I was quite sure Kevin would be penalised, which since he was already on ten penalty points, would thereby lead to a race ban. However, despite Kevin receiving a penalty at Miami, the stewards inexplicably decided that they would take no action on this occasion. This shows the uselessness of the penalty system, as the stewards seem never willing to take the decision that would lead to a race ban. Whilst Kevin has been incredibly entertaining this season, there is little doubt that his move deserved a penalty. If the stewards want to discourage illegal driving standards, they have to be prepared to make a driver pay the consequences for their actions.

The third incident further demonstrates the stewards’ inconsistency. Esteban Ocon divebombed his teammate Pierre Gasly before the tunnel, leading to a collision that took Esteban out of the race and risked doing the same to Pierre. The stewards penalised this move with a five-place grid drop, for causing a collision. This was the right thing to do, as making such an audacious divebomb should not be allowed in F1. Yet, even harsher than the response from the stewards was the response from Alpine’s team principal, Bruno Famin. He made it clear that there would be consequences for what Ocon did, implying that Ocon may be put on the naughty step and not be allowed to participate in the next race. This would be excessively harsh on Ocon; however, I understand Famin’s thinking. He has inherited a pair of teammates who despise each other and Esteban has been open all season about his lack of desire to stay with the team. Famin feels the need to show that he is the boss and has authority to represent the team’s interests. Would banning Ocon for a race be the right move? No. But showing that you are prepared to do so sends a clear message to Pierre and Esteban, that they can’t get away with putting their own interests before the team’s. The fact that a team principle is prepared to do this to their own driver but the stewards are not prepared to ban anyone speaks to the cowardice of the stewards.

After these three events nothing happened. Everyone drove as slowly as possible and there were about three overtakes in the entire race, none of them for the points paying positions. Yet, by the end of the race, I was still filled with ecstasy. My driver, for my team, after nearly two years without a win, won at his home and got to celebrate with the Crown Prince. If even I, filled with the excitement of those events occurring, can recognise that I just witnessed the most boring race in human history, I hate to imagine how everyone else felt.